Cyclops: Hey Cap, I’ve rallied a bunch of young mutants. How should we utilize them?
Cap: Have them hand me a shield.
Cyclops: Great toss and catch there! I have the target lined up. Should I optic blast them?
Cap: No, hand me another shield.
Cyclops: Can I…
Cap: No, hand me another shield.
Cyclops: Well, good job, the last enemy only has 200 health left.
Cap: Eh, I guess you can give them the full blast.
Cyclops: [rips off visor] RAWWWRR!!
Steve - Sam , it’s my turn with the Shield
Sam - But you just threw it and stunned someone!
Steve - It’s mine until i die!
Sam - my dive is stronger!
Steve - I am buffed this week, new serum injection, you can have it when it comes back after this.
Sam - FINE! Take it..
Steve - ok, he has 7 health left, dive bomb his ass.
Sam - or i could sneeze on him, but here we go!
Goon sets up a sniper rifle
Falcon: Take him out Redwing
Cap: No time for that! (throws shield at Redwing)
Enemy sends Daken into a Pheromone Rage
Falcon: Good job Daken, keep it up. You’re special.
(Kingpin’s Gambit pays off when he picks up and throws Redwing at the enemy team)
Cyclops: Nice shield throw, Cap!
Cap: Okay, give me my shield so I can hit them again.
Cyclops: I don’t have your shield.
Sentry: I have your shield.
Cyclops: OHH TINYKITTYYYYYY!!!
Cap: FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!
KA-BOOM!
===================
[During FalCap PVP:]
Patch: Stupid kid!
Daken: Stuff it, pops!
Falcon: Why are you two on the same team again?
Patch and Daken: Because we’re boosted!
Loki: Ooh! I have Trickery lined up! Can I let this Goon set off some Threaten countdowns?
Cap: Eh. Sure. Why not? We have enough shields from my most recent Sentinel of Liberty move.
Loki: Yayyyyyyyy!
Daredevil: Hey Guys, if we get one more purple match, I can get rid of all those ninja attack tiles. Guys… where are you?
Deadpool: Sorry Daredevil, I was just over there dancing with Devil Dino, he’s really good at it and it only costs like 3 purple.
Daredevil: Don’t use it on dancing… Seriously guys, these attack tiles hurt, we need to get rid of them.
Devil Dino: I just want to dance.
Daredevil: No, we can dance later. I need to use that purple.
Deadpool: I have this whale I can drop on them. That’s way cooler.
Devil Dino: I’m just going to dance.
Daredevil: For the last time, I want…
Deadpool: Dude, too late, we are over here dancing again.
Carnage: Symbiote Scythes Rarrghghghgh!
KK: Ouch!..Excellent work, my scarlet friend. Keep up the good work, Cletus.
Carnage: ??? Uhh, thanks!
Everyone: !@# !@#$ IT CARNAGE!
Black Panther: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!
I’m sorry, that was uncalled for. Here’s 5 AP for your trouble.
/Blade uses Nightstalker
Blade: Cinderella story… Outta Nowhere…
KK: Yay! SOmeone did their special move/ That means I get To groove/ I’m gonna spread the wealth/ and bring ya back to health.
Deadpool: Kamala, that’s cool and all. Love the rhymes, but do you have to say that EVERY TIME IT HAPPENS?
KK: Listen, Deadpool, you can cool it with the snark or I’ll Embiggen Bash YOU.
Deadpool: Hey, devs. Can she do that? Hit her own teammate?
KK: Who are you talking to?
Magneto: Brothers! Stand beside me and I will lead us to victory!
Deadpool: Alright, Mags! But what’s he doing here?
Vision: Your task is just. I will unite with you today.
Magneto: He was boosted.
Deadpool: Ah… makes sense.
Magneto: A glorious cascade! Stand aside while I use Magnetized Projectiles!
Vision: No, watch as I increase my density and hit them harder!
Magneto: You fool!
Deadpool: I’ll just start collecting purple…
Deadpool: Ouch! That hurt… just give me a second to heal.
Magneto: I’ll create a coercive field to protect us all. No, Vision! What are you doing??
Vision: I’ve lightened my density and now I’m protected for five turns.
Magneto: But now you’re hitting with less damage and I could have -
Vision: Another blue! Now watch me get hard!
Deadpool: (snickers)
Magneto: We’re all going to die here, Deadpool.
Deadpool: I heal, remember?
Magneto: We must change our strategy.
Vision: Friends! Something’s happening. I can’t move!
Magneto: That remarkable metal doesn’t run through your entire body, does it?
Hulkbuster: It’s awesome to be a really powerful character
Jean Grey: Nods
Hulkbuster: Who’s supposed to be our third again?
Jean Grey: Spidey, right?
Hulkbuster:…You did call the right spidey, didn’t you?
Jean Grey: Uh…that was Gambit’s job…?
3*Spiderman: IM HEREEEEEEE
Hulkbuster + Jean Grey: NOOOOOOOO
3*Spiderman: Why the “no”, it’s all good! I’m here to save the day! I can heal you, see?
3Spidey puts web bandages on Hulkbuster’s missing plating on it’s elbow*
Hulkbuster: Thanks…I think?
3*Spiderman: Cmon don’t do that. I know you’re reading my thoughts. I am useful. Honest! Look at this!
3Spidey activates his spidey-sense and jumps in front of Hulkbuster, taking a very painful Full Blast from the Opposing Cyclops*
3Spiderman’s costume is in a crisp, and he’s unable to get up*
3*Spidey weakly states: “I’m fine, honest…”
Jean Grey says to Hulkbuster quietly: I don’t need to be a psychic to know what you’re thinking…
Jean Grey: Note to self....invite 1*Spidey next time....Iron Fist: Beware, evildoers! Observe as I use these ancient techniques of K’un-Lun to gather my chi and… Tony, why are you putting these clamps on me? And are those… Are those jumper cables?
Hulkbuster: Yeah, I’m just using that weird kung fu stuff of yours to charge my suit. I’ll be done in a moment.
Iron Fist: But that is my chi you are gathering! My personal, spiritual energy, bundled by sacred ancient techniques…
Hulkbuster: Listen, dude, what were you going to do with it?
Iron Fist: I would gather my power to make my fist into a thing unto iron and then strike…
Hulkbuster: Yeah, yeah, yeah, fist unto iron. Now look at this. Fist of actual iron. Hulk-sized. What do you think would be the most effective place to put that chi of yours in?
Iron Fist: …
Iron Fist: All right, fine. But can I then at least use those green tiles over there to smite our foes with the power of Shou-Lao the Undying?
Hulkbuster: No, I’m Hulk-proofing those. You just sit there and be a good little battery.
Iron Fist: sulks.
Devil Dino can dance if he wants to. He can leave Daredevil behind.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkkGeDYv3Lc#t=14s
Cuz his friends don’t dance, and if they don’t dance…well, they’re no friends of mine!
Magneto: That was a match 5…
Quicksilver: This is delicate stuff, almost there.
Magneto: That could have been a double match 4 cascade..
Quicksilver: The wait will be worth it for this father son combo
Magneto: You know i could…
Quicksilver: Just one more step… Rags you’re up.
Ragnorak - Thunderclap
Quicksilver: See that, All we need to do now is…
Ragnorak - Lightning Rod
Quicksilver: errr, it’s okay i just need to move…
Ragnorak - Godlike Power
Quicksilver: …
Magneto: You really had to bring him…
Quicksilver: I can’t take it anymore, Charles was right about you, i should have stayed with him. He’s the only one that treats me with respect!
Scarlet Witch, Captain Falcon, and Iron Fist:
Captain Falcon: Someone want to help me carry all this useless Black and Blue AP we keep generating?
Scarlet Witch: No.
Iron Fist: No. Just keep gathering that blue. Somehow it makes me punch harder every time you do.
Scarlet Witch: And for some reason I make purple a lot faster when you do.
Captain Falcon: Does any of this make sense to either of you?
Scarlet Witch: Not really. Did you read House of M?
Captain Falcon: No.
Iron Fist: No.
Scarlet Witch: Just shut up and keep grabbing blue, flappy.
Captain Falcon: But look at all this red and yellow on the board. In about fifteen turns I’ll have enough to use my move!
Iron Fist: Pur-plllllllle… PUNCH!!!
Wolverine: Watcha got there, bub?
Deadpool: They’re bombs! Neat, huh? They even have these little glowing number thingies on them.
Wolverine: And when they reach zero, they all explode?
Deadpool: Nope.
Wolverine: What do they do, then?
Deadpool: Nothing!
Wolverine: Uh, nothing?
Deadpool: Nothing! Clever, huh?
Wolverine: So… how do you make the bombs explode?
Deadpool: You have to hit them.
Wolverine: You… have to walk up to them and hit them to make them explode?!?
Deadpool: Like I said, it’s so clever! I wonder why no one’s ever thought of a bomb like this before?
Wolverine: I am not gonna walk up to a bomb and hit it to make it explode, Wade.
Deadpool: Just do it, Logan. For meeeee?
Wolverine: This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of.
Deadpool: Look, dude, do you have a healing factor, or not?
^
That… I can totally imagine in canon XD
Sentry, Hulk, and Thor cower in an alley. They are clearly broken and at wits end.
Thor: I tell thee Mjolnir has truly met its match this day.
Sentry: A thousand exploding suns… barely scratched them.
Hulk: Hulk got angry… Hulk smashed… Hulk scared… (Begins to weep)
Suddenly the air shimmers and a portal opens. Superman, Wonder Woman, and Batman emerge.
Supes: Hey guys long time no… WHOA!! What happened to you???
Thor: Truly today earth’s mightiest have met a power unstoppable.
Batman: Galactus?
WW: Thanos?
Supes: Apocalypse?
Thor: Nay. Behold! For they doth approach! Defend thyselves if thou be able!
Three fat, purple suit wearing goons with tommy guns walk up. Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman stare at them, then each other dumbfounded.
Batman: Soooo… These guys imbued with the power cosmic or have the Infinity Guantlet or something?
Sentry: No.
WW: OK so what do they have?
Thor: Art thou blind? Tommy guns!
An awkward pause followed by Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman bursting into uncontrollable laughter.
Supes: (barely stifling his laughter) Seriously guys. You gotta find a game that treats you with some respect.
The DC trio walk away laughing, tommy gun bullets bouncing harmlessly off their backs.
Batman: Sniff you later jerks!
Hulk: Hulk hate Affleck.