Well, I’ve seen personals website spam. I’ve seen scam spam. I’ve seen review spam.
This is the first ever kitchen display spam. See something new every day.
Apparently you arent here enough. Something along these lines gets posted quite frequently…to the point there is a running joke about our kitchen fetish.
Truly, the spam ads have now thrown everything at you.
Maybe this is a hint to the newest character release? Appliance man!
Here to fix your frig and calibrate your new TV!
We should all spam the fk out of their customer support phone line being ass holes.
You should ask them for build advice on mpq. Psylocke or Bullseye, who’s better with knives?
Bullseye can carve the turkey with a playing card, but insists on doing it from across the room and seems to be way too into it, if you know what I mean.
Psylocke stabs the turkey with a glowing knife made of feels and makes it be dead, which coincidentally it already was.
Advantage: Bullseye, but just barely.
Appliance Man!
8 Red - Easy Bake Oven
1 - creates a 3 turn countdown timer that creates randomly 2 red countdown timers
2 - Decreases countdown to 2
3 - Increases created timers to 3
4 - Decreases countdown to 1
5 - Creates 4 timers
12 Green - Ninja Blender
1 - Destroys the farthest right column. Does not generate AP
2 - Destroys the farthest right and left sides. Increase to 14 AP. Does not generate AP
3 - Destroys the right, left, and top. Increases to 16 AP. Does not generate AP
4 - Destroys the right, left, top, and bottom sides. Increases to 18 AP. Does not generate AP
5 - Destroys all sides and generates AP. Increase cost to 20 AP.
I normally consider myself pretty up on obscure Marveldom, but is there anyone that’s actually somewhat close to that sort of thing in canon? Would be amusing to push someone forward as a forum creation. And no, Forbush Man doesn’t count, pot notwithstanding.
You could just reskin bagman 
My bagman only has 2 covers in dish cleaning.
Including the kitchen sink, I assume.
And now they want reviews on that kitchen sink too. Needy spammers.
Hmmm.
“Solid, but not particularly aerodynamic. Can cause bruising, concussion and broken bones. Somewhat unwieldy in battle. Would not buy again.”
We have a few choices…
Phone Man (marvel)
Captain Ultra (marvel)
Former Plumber
Dog Welder (DC…oops! Thanks for the correction)
literally…welds dogs onto your enemies faces
I was quite fascinated by the idea of “Dog Welder” so I wiki’d the guy. Turns out he’s DC, not Marvel. Shame on you.
You’re looking for Captain Ultra.
https://marvel.com/universe/Captain_Ultra
Or you could do a Shadowlands Daredevil, Master of Hell’s Kitchen
Or an Iron Fist or Echo Daredevil variant, who would be Kitchen Caretakers
Or just go with the Kingpin, Kitchen Purchaser.
Oops! Made the change. DC characters…would be nice to see green lantern magically pop up. DC Puzzle quest…anyone?
So I was curious as to what kind of characters other people thought were obscure - off to the googles. I came back with some really off the wall ones.
I think my favorite is the Living Eraser. He could remove kitchen spam from the forums. A close second was the Home Wrecker, whose connection with the kitchen spam is just a bit too obvious.