Happy Birthday!
We’re trying some new stuff with your birthday this year. Since you’re such a big kid now, for the rest of this year, you’ll be sleeping out in your playhouse in the yard. I’m going to be moving into your room, as your mother can’t stand to be near me anymore. We’ll be keeping an eye on you to see how you’re doing, and combine that with your feedback to help improve future birthdays. Thanks for being our kid, and keep those cute little notes coming!
Love,
DadP.S. You’re getting a bunch of socks this year, but you’ll appreciate them when the first snow hits.
P.P.S. Make sure not to bring any snacks, as the coyotes have a great sense of smell.
Happy Anniversary!
We’re going to be trying some new stuff with our marriage this year. Well, I will be, at least. Mostly with Ted. It’s not technically “with” our marriage, so much as it is “during” our marriage, but let’s not split hairs.
I’ll be keeping an eye on you to see how you’re doing, at least when I’m not over at Ted’s. Thanks for being my first husband, and keep the alimony payments coming!
Love,
LindaP.S. Don’t be too mad at Ted. There’s nothing that makes me sadder than seeing family mad at each other.
Welcome to the operating room!
We’re trying some new stuff with your appendectomy today. See my son over there? He’s going to be assisting on this surgery today. He’s only 13, but I couldn’t be more proud of the clean cuts he’s been making lately.
I’ll be keeping an eye on your vitals to see how you’re doing. We’ll look at the results at the end of the operation, and combine that with the survival rate of the other patients. It’s not great so far, but hey, if this was baseball, that kind of a batting percentage would be a shoo-in for the hall of fame. It’s all about perspective. Thanks for being our patient, and hopefully the insurance company keeps those payments coming.
By the way, how attached are you to your left arm?
Not as attached as you’re gonna be in a few hours, that’s for sure.
Okay, I’m gonna turn on the gas and count backwards from 10.
9 … 8 … 7 …